Wednesday, July 13, 2011

#Thatawkwardmoment when you realize you have jaw surgery...

Soooo...I'm a teensy bit rusty. How do these things usually start?

Hello. My name is Abby.
This is my blog.
I love dancing in the rain and peace signs.
If U cAn'T aCcEpT mE 4 wHo I aM tHeN uR nOt WoRtH mY tImE**:..

Ok I'm not THAT rusty. Let me try again.

Hello. My name is Abby and I'm a FB.
(Hi Abby)
No no no, not a FaceBooker but a Faulty Blogger.
I know you've heard every rant/lament/excuse in the Faulty Blogger Book from me, so we'll just skip that part. And maybe throw in one of those (insert drawn out story about why Abby has not blogged here)
Now that we've got all THAT hizzle out of the way, let us speak of happier things. LIKE...(drum roll please)...

WHAT ABBY HAS BEEN DOING FOR ROUGHLY THE PAST DOS MONTHS
       Aww. I even put it in an exciting new font...

Well. There was this guy.
(aka THE SENIOR BALL SPECTACULAR. I think it goes right up there with "Being Born" on the list of BEST DAYS OF MAH LYPHE!!!)

 We're into points...but not your average points.

And this guy...gradiation? greadution? Gra-something...

And the starts with a "T" and ends with a "Rek" (literally) Guy.
NOTE: I would not usually put this picture up, but since I have failed so miserably at blogging, a picture of me in a BONNET should hopefully make up for that. Copy and paste as you will...

Yes. That's me on the left hand side. Notice my precarious position on the handcart. This was moments before my leg got stuck in the wheel, almost landing me in the water.

And now for the mother that crowns all mothers.

JAW SURGERY
 That's right. 5 hours. 1 night in the hospital. 2 bottles of liquid Lortab. 1 jaw bra. 20 pounds added to cheeks. 100+ movies to keep me entertained.
aaaaaaaaand  
6 weeks on a LIQUID DIET.
I WANT TO DIE.
too dramatic you say?
ha! nope.
The whole "you don't know what you got till it's gone" slaps me in the face EVERY. STINKING. DAY. I feel like King Midas, but instead of gold, my touch turns food into a shapeless/tasteless "meal" of despair. Blend or die has become my new motto.
Let me illustrate this for you:

WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD EATS



  WHAT I EAT

 Don't worry - the carrots/celery are not included.






You get the picture. BUT I'm a glass-half-full kind of girl so good news! Only three more weeks ladies and gents. And then it's Happy Sumo/Cafe Rio/J-Dawg's/Slab Pizza/Kneaders/Wendy's/Beto's/Taco Bell with me.

Hold on Pork Salad...I'm almost there....

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