Friday, January 28, 2011

Bun Supremacy

It's not my fault that I haven't been blogging.
Ok maybe it is my fault.
But it is most def NOT my fault that the Azores Bullfinch is endangered. 
(Knowing that always makes me feel better)

ANYWHO. Buckle your seats ladies and gents, because we're going in for the long haul. So much has happened since I left P-town exactly twelve days ago...

In the past twelve days, I have:
  1. Learned the language. Perfecting the art and placement of "mate", as well the casual "fish and chips" here and there was no walk in the outback.
  2. Befriended the natives.
  3. Promised "lollies" and American Movies to key positions on the Australian Government latter.
  4. Climbed the Australian Government latter.
  5. Hired "Marty the Marvelous Magician" to make the Prime Minister disappear.
  6. Causally showed up to the office sporting her clothes.
  7. Been named and accepted as Abby Christensen, Supreme ruler of all that is Australian.
  8. Found the right loopholes and renamed the world's largest island: ABALIA.
  9. Opened up a shelter for homeless dingos.
Yup. That about sums it up. Oh and cameron lost a foot to one of those dingos, but that's pretty much it. Yeeeeep. Sure is. Mmmhmm...yeahh...heh..heh...(awkwardly scoot away)

Ok ok ok OK. My REAL Australian experience hasn't been quite as glamourous as the list implies...and yes, I MADE THAT WHOLE LIST UP. I just thought that if I lied and made my life more exciting, you guys would like me better. But now I see that you guys like me for who I am. And that makes me appreciate all of you. (Insert "Aurther" theme song....NOW)

Ok no more funny business.
Here is what is really, TURLY going on with the Christensens, or more specifically MOI, down unda.

Father Craig and I left SLC around 8 to LAX. That flight took about an hour-ish. We then got on our connecting flight to Sydney around 11. 16 hours seems like a really long time, but when you've got a window seat and "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" at the tip of your fingers, it's not too shabby. We FINALLY arrived in Sydney around 10 a.m. on January 18th/Tuesday morning. That's right. January 17th, 2011 NEVER EXISTED for me. Toats freaky. We then had to take ANOTHER flight down to Melbourne. By this time, I'd been wearing the same clothes for who knows how long and my ipod was losing life. I. Was. Running. THIN. Luckily, this last flight was shorter else I would've been tasered by airport security for bitting the booking agent. finally, Finally, FINALLY we arrived in...MELBOURNE.

(Pronounced Mel-BUN)

We only stayed in Melbourne for three days but it was fantastic.
We actually went for one reason - THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN.

For all you tennis haters, bare with me for a moment while I rant about the greatness of
For starters, T.V. does not do pro tennis justice. Actually being there is a whole different experience. Their pain is your pain. Their joys are your joys. THEIR SWEAT IS YOUR SWEAT.
But really.
I was close to tears whenever I saw an ace or a winner. Those kinds of shots are...beautiful, to say the least. And I say that without a shred of irony. The speed...the technique...the spin! OoOOoooOoOh. I could go on all day, but I'll just move onto the highlights of our time in Melbourne:

  • FIRST AND FOREMOST, hearing the "Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi" cheer. From Australians. In Australia.
  • Doing the wave in slow motion.
  • Discovering tim tams, solo and deep spring. Google it.
  • Discovering "Baker's Delight". Kind of an Australian version of Great Harvest. We went everyday we were there, and spent a total of $65 during one trip. The guy threw in a passionfruit scone and winked. At my mother.
  • Seeing 7-Elvens everywhere. It actually weirded me out.
  • Discovering "Neighbours"!! According to Google, it's Australia's longest running soap opera. It's on every night at 6:30, on 11. Which girl will Andrew choose?? Did you feel the torment in that single sentence? That's just a TASTE of what Neighbours is. I've never really been into soaps, but now is a good a time to start as ever...
  • Getting an aussie open t-shirt. Its 4 rils legit.
  • Buying an $8 pizza that tasted like cardboard. Oh wait. That was just gross.
  • Watching so many great tennis matches. My favorite? Igor Andreev vs Nicholas Almagro.
  • LOVING the weather. 
And now...the pictures I promised!

The classic pose-in-front-of-a-world-monument-with-peace-signs-to-be-funny. Oh wait. Wrong one.

As if we'd all "assemble" in an emergency.

My best "Lord of the Flies" impersination.


This picture screams fun.

PROOF I WAS THERE. In all my squinty glory...(ehem)



Well that'll have to be it for now. 
I'm trying to think of a clever catch phrase, but none come to mind. Over and out? That's all folks? Peace? Aboasdbfiasl;hitiasdlhfoaiuw9?

We'll go with that last one.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Should I Put Another Shrimp on the Barbie?

I stink at goodbyes.
And sudoku, but mostly just goodbyes.
I always end up crying, which leads to smeared make-up, which leads to the embarrassing reminder that I'm crying, which leads to anger, which leads to unexpected lashing out, which leads to court hearings and intense psychotherapy.

BUT. Rs Munos shed some light on the subject,
"It's not goodbye. It's just see you later."

I've been thinking about it, and since this is my blog I and I can do what ever the heck I want, I will now impress you with my knowledge of Austrailian lingo through the witty conversation of an average Austrailian:
***NOTE: For you...Americans... i've  graciously provided a referance list below.***

"Ello, Mate! Did ja geit any Pressies for Chrissie? All I got wus a pair of Bathers and loads of Fairy Floss. It was a Shonky affiar, more or less. You 'ouldn't guess who I saw at Mackers yesterday! You remember Charlie? The Yobbo who used ta Whinge all the time? Well I felt bad, so I told 'im his big mac was My Shout. After saying Ooroo, I left and got myself an Icy Pole. But the stoupid Mozzies kept trying to take a nick at me, so I took the Lift up to my Rellies apartment - you know, Uncle Steve and Aunt Shelia? Well while Aunt Shelia wus busy changing li'l Henry's Nappy, Fredrick walked in and -  the ol' dag - knocked over my Cuppa! So I called him a Nong, and Aunt Shelia was very upset and told me ta leave. All I knows is that I was Happy as Larry to get out of there."

I think it's safe to say that Aussies were the first to come up with abbreves.
I also think it's safe to say that Christmas will from now on be called Chrissie.
And, maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but I think it's extra safe to say Yobbo sounds WAY more appro pro than "redneck".

Common terms and phrases used in every day Austrialia:   
    Bathers           Swim trunks   
    Billabong       Watering hole   
    Bum               The part of you that sits on a chair, your bottom.   
    Chrissie          Christmas   
    Cuppa            Cup of tea or coffee   
    Dag                Amusingly uncoordinated, "he's such a dag"   
    Fairy Floss     Cotton candy   
    Fred Nerk       Someone imaginary, "I suppose Fred Nerk did it?"   
    Good on ya    Good job, good for you   
    Happy as Larry    Very happy   
    Icy pole           Popsicle   
    Jelly                jell-o
    Joe Bloggs      Mr average citizen, John Doe   
    Lollies             Candy   
    Lift                  Elevator   
    Mackers          McDonald's   
    Mate               Friend   
    Mozzie           Mosquito   
    Nappy            Diaper   
    Nong              Idiot, "you nong!"   
    Ooroo            Goodbye   
    Prezzies          Presents   
    Rellies            Relatives   
    My shout        I'll pay this time   
    Shonky          A questionable deal    
    Whinge          Complain all the time   
    Yobbo            Redneck   
    You Right?    May I help you?  Do you need anything?

Along with the hugs and tears, I got a very specific list of what was wanted of me:

    * 1 (one) 8oz bottle of sand.
    * 1 (one) boomerang made out of kowala bears.
    * A plethora (lots) of outback stakehouse coupons.
    * 500 (five-hundie) pictures with "hot aussies of the male species"
    * 1 (one) austrialian man, kangaroo, kowala, dingo.
    * 1 (one) dance on steve erwin's grave.
    * 3 (three) shrimps on the barbie.

And so my dear friends, I'm off. But do not fret- T'will not be long before I'm back ruling Timpview with an iron first and my sidekick mariachi band.
Just know that I expect FB messages every 5 minutes on the MINUTE.
I'll miss every darn one of you. I love alls y'alls.
The Two Month Countdown starts.....n-....N-.....No-.....NOW!

Ooroo, America. 'Ello Australia!

 would you look at that???

Monday, January 10, 2011

Muppets with People Eyes

Needless to say, I loled (laughed out loud) for a good ten minutes.

Ooooh man. My personal fav is the elm-dawg. But go ahead. Scroll through AGAIN. Creepy, yet strangely's going to be big. Trust me.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Newe Yeers Ressies

Another year come and gone. WEIRD.
But since everyone else seems cool wit it, I'll go ahead and join the flow.

The AB-TACULAR list of New Years Resolutions:
  1. Find more cat shirts. Total now: 2. Goal: 31. (One for each day of the month!)
  2. Come up with a new phrase or catchy saying and/or recycle a retro phrase. Rad? Far out? Robotcircuitipodwifi? A work in prowgress. (yep. that last word was in a British accent)
  3. Get students and faculty alike at Timpview to address me as, "Abby, supreme empress of the universe and bestower of all that is awesome and hip." Double work in progress.
  4. Crochet more alpaca-hair sweaters for babies and the elderly.
  5.  Write more haikus.
So now, in 2011, I'd like to start this blog off on a good note.
Yes, I'd like to start with #5. (ehem)

A Deep Collection of Haikus
By: Abigail E. Christensen 

In a tree I sit
Looking at the big blue moon
thinking, hey that's cool

Walking in the coms,
freshman push me as I go.
That is not cool man.

Driving in li'l blue
I sense the presence of cash - 
pennies pay for gas.

Each one is unique,
nicely lined up in a row -
Kat shirts come to play.

Climbing in windows,
and snatching your people up.
Hide yo kids, husbands.

Stand there, watch me burn,
if you ever try to leave
I'll set house on fire.

Likely contender in the Cat Shirt race...