My Myspace Brings All the Boys to the Yard...

I wrote my last post 30 days before Kreesmahs??

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED I EVEN DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.

But instead of talking about how I met Oprah or won the New Mexico lotto, let's take a gander down memory lane, shall we?

So the other day, I cruising around the internet, avoiding my wonderful physical science reading, when all of a sudden it came to me.

I should check my Myspace.

(May I add that Myspace isn't a word on blogger?? And I thought this was America.)

Anywho, luckily I was home and out of the terrible clutches of the byu network. 

And luckily I remembered my 7th grade email (sungirl_forever@yahoo.com) and juvenile password (******)

And luckily some 30-year-old guy didn't pretend he was a 14-year-old girl and try to meet with me at the mall.

Oh wait. 

But seriously. Remember when we all thought facebook was for straight up nerds? Remember when we put a million of these "!!!!!!!!!!!!" and these ":]:]:]:]:]:]" after every comment? Remember how the order of your top friends was a bfd (big frikin deal)? Remember when you cared about profile views or how many friends you had? Remember....................myspace pictures???

Which brings us to the next part. You see, as I was perusing old pictures I just about DIED from embarrassment at my pictures and their captions. It was horrifying. Did I really think that was a cool thing for the world wide web? Really 14 year old self? REALLY??

After steaming in a burrito of self-loathing, I decided that because of my faulty blogging, you guys deserve a good laugh. JuSt KnOw ThAt I aM a CoMpLeTeLy DiFfErEnT pErSoN nOw**:.

Exhibit A:

....

All the rest of the Exhibits:

The caption for this one? "Blue eyes..." I'm ril deep sometimes. 

 99.9% of these pictures I've taken myself. WHY THOUGH.

Now that I look at this one, it's really not that bad. But that's prolly because I didn't take it in sepia on my camera phone. 

I miss this.

And for the crowning jewel:

THIS GUY.

AHHHHHHH(*$&%#()%*#@$@#_%^#^)$(&(*#^*&%+@_!^#(*#

What makes this picture worse is the caption. Dare I share it?

"currrrrrrrrrrrrrrrly hair/"

*involuntary shudder*

THANK GOODNESS facebook came along. Good ol' fb has saved me from social suicide. Now all that my prof pics contain are kats and awesomeness. 

And there you have it. 

We can still be friends, right?

Right?

......... .. ......... . ... .. .

. . .. . . .. 

 .. .. 

Guys?

.. . . .. . .. . . .. . ... .

. . . . . .. . .

 .. . .. .

 .. . .. . . . .. .. 

Who wants to do a group peace sign pic in front of the bathroom mirror??

Kreesmahs.

Have any of you heard that Christmas song about the goose and the old man?

No...?

Suriously...?

It's a song I promise!!

(Ahem)

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat. Please put a penny in the old man's hat!

If you 'aven't got a penny, then a haypenny will do. And if you 'aven't got a haypenny than God Bless You! 

The point being, CHRISTMAS IS COMING AND I'M SO EXCITED I COULD CRY CANDY CANES AND DRINK A WHOLE GALLON OF CHRISTMAS CHEER.

If I were to list my current obsessions, they would be in this order:

Cats.

Christmas.

iwastesomuchtime.com 

Forever Lazys.

Sole Patches.

Potato peelers.

Goat Milk.

Dear Mother Susan Santa, Any of those things would please me greatly on Christmas morning. Take note.

Love, Abby

I've always loved Christmas, but this year my enthusiasm has doubled. For instance, I was avidly against listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving, but guess who was rockin' out to J Beib's "Mistletoe" November 12th? This bieliber right hur. 

THERE'S JUST SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO. 

First and foremost, there's the kristmas kitty sweater that will be proudly worn to the ward party. Then there's the lights at temple square. Peppermint hot chocolate from Mikey D's. All the christmas decorations around campus/decorations in general. Painting easter eggs. The zillion snow flakes me/harl-dawg cut out and hung from our ceiling.  Christmas jammies. SHOPPING. Christmas music - espesh Christmas Shoes. Lights at Riverwoods. Arthur Christmas. Nutcrackers. Real Christmas trees. Fuzzy socks. Stockings by the fire. Old school Christmas movies. Egg nog. Gosh darn it - THE WHOLE ENCHILADA! (Note: googling "Christmas Enchiladas" does, in fact, NOT give you christmas tree shaped enchiladas.)

Dare I even say I'm looking forward to...snow??

Hahahahahhahahhahahhahahhahhahahhahahah that's a laugh and a half.

Let it be known that the only time snow is okay is on Christmas.

And now, in appreciation for the holiday season I give you:

ODE TO CHRISTMAS

By: Abby Christensen

 

If

there

were no

Christmas

I would cry,

cry, cry. Then,

in mine anger, lash

out at children on the

street. They wouldn't un-

derstand my behavior and 

look at me wierd, then run

away screaming. I would then 

cry, cry, cry. A nice old lady would

prolly come up and give me a hankie. 

I'd say, "Thank you." I'd continue to cry, 

cry, cry. But then I'd realize how much I 

like nice old ladies, and decide to open a cat 

petting zoo for all the nice old ladies in Provo.

They'd come from miles around to pet a tabby

or calico and smile. Thinking about it made me

cry, cry, cry tears of 

joy. Oh and this 

poem is shaped like 

a Christmas tree.

And now without further ado, let the festivities BEGIN!!

A Picture's Worth a 1000...

WERDS. A 1000 words. Did y'all get that right?
And speaking of pictures, you know those pictures that capture a single moment, but tell a whole story?

Ok, no. I'm not talking about pictures of me in a bonnet/after jaw surgery/when half of my face swelled up from an allergic reaction and I looked like the love child of obesity and china. (ask anyone if they have that last one on their phone...99.7% chance they do.)

You know what I'm talking about?
The pictures that, good or bad, changed mankind?

The pictures that caught your breath, left a gaping wound in your heart and scorched your soul??

THE PICTURES OUR VERY NATION WAS FOUNDED UPON??????

(Sorry. A little too much American Heritage to the head.)

But srsly. I'm talking pictures a little like these: 

Loch Ness Monster (1934)

"Last week, Japanese scientists placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally."

*IbeliveinyouNessie*


Tiananmen Square (1989)

...Aaaaand that's when the fetal position comes in.

Migrant Mother (1936)

......Mother Susan??

Abbey Road (1969)

Teensy mistake Beatles...I believe it's spelled "Abby Road."


V-J Day in Times Square (1945)

I think a group chant along the lines of "get some!" is in order.


Afghan Girl (1984)

Egad! Am I the only one that feels like she can see into my soul???

So...you picking up what I'm throwing down? We're all on the same page? Specgoodular. Fantawestic? Glorsupeious?.  ... .. . .. .... .. .... .making word babies ain't my thing.

(ehem.) THE POINT BEING:

I, Abigail Elizabeth Christensen, not two days ago took part in a picture that was not only an rare and significant event, but will soon join with the above photos in The Famous Place Where They Hang Such Things.

Words would be inadequate, an explanation -  too trivial. Nay, I will let the picture speak for itself:

.......... . .. .. . . .. . ................

.... .......... .. ... .. .. 

... . ... ... .. ..

... .. . .

...

..

.

YES that is me, and YES that cat was giving ME a *high five*

GLORY.

I could die happy.

And just after viewing such a peachy delight, you prolly could too. 

FEEL FREE TO COPY AND PASTE AS NEEDED.

Katz out.

OCTS TOBS

Before I begin my usual rantings, can I just share a really, REALLY visual word with you?

FESTER.

Oooh. Let that sit for a moment.

Ens whos, am I the only freaking out that it’s already October?? Yes? Oh. So…am I the only one freaking out that the guy who does yoda’s voice also does miss piggy’s? Yes again? Ummm….well….JIMMER’S ENGAGED. Oh…you … .. knew that too?

(ehem) 

But suriously - Am I the only one that thinks October is a bittersweet month? I mean you got the GOOD things like pumpkin carving, leaves changing, soup slurping, and HALLOWEEN, but October also means……WINTER will be here soon. (involuntary shudder) Now I’m not talking Florida or California winters – I’m talking frost scrapin’, ice crunchin’, nose wipin’, face numbin’, wish-you-were-dead-because-it-lasts-six-months UTAH winters.

For all you “But winter means SKIING” or “Snow is so pretty!” or even worse, “Winter fashion is so cute!” sayers, to you I say BOO. That’s right. BOO. All those things last a day and then it’s, “I missssssssssssssssssssssss summer.” (Note: I don’t hate Christmas. Quite the contrary. SANTA 4 LYPHE) Shoot…I’m sorry to rant. I’m just a summer kind of girl – plus trying to ride with the windows down/tunes blasting/shades rocking in winter just leaves you with pnemonia and weird looks.

…On that note, let’s get to the goods a.k.a ABBY’S LYPHE IN KOLLEGE.

One month in and it’s so far, so good(ish). I think it’s safe to say I’m a tride and true, BYU blue cougar fan/full time student extroidinaire. I mean, I feel comfortable:

• Making Jimmer jokes (see above)
• Singing Rise and Shout at games/during class/in the shower/at all times
• Openly stalking Jake Heaps Riley Nelson
• Audibly gasping whenever someone says *crap*
• Studying with Harold……B. Lee, that is. Ever heard of him?
• Spewing out building acromyns on command – HFAC!JKB!SWKT!JFSB!
• Looking at engagement rings in Book of Mormon class
• Being engaged
• Riding my unicycle around campus. Yeaaaah…I’m THAT girl.

The only bad thing is MIDTERMS (voluntary shudder) are next week! Dun dun dun. Soo…I have to apply what I’m learning in class? Cr*p. What happened to the good ol’ miss-a-week-of-class-then-show-up-half-asleep-for-a-test-and-ace-it days in hihskool? Higsool? Hihscool? Eh it’s been so long I can’t even remember WHAT we used to call it.

Welp. Wish me luck. I get the feeling me and Harold are going to spend a looooot of time together this week. Anyone want to join us on the 5^th floor? No….? Real cool guys. Ril kool.

Cat shirt of the week:

is someone keeping track of all these?

It's Pronounced "[kol-ij]"

It's gotten to the point where when I go to check out my blog,

I have to type in the whole address.

As in, I don't come here often enough, aka I don't blog enough.
I know what you're thinking.."Haven't we beaten the topic of Abby's lame bloggage to a pulp, then put it in a blender, then trampled on the remnains and put them in the shrimp scampi at the cannon center??"

Well...that's not the point. The point is, did you catch my clever college joke??
Well, for those of you that don't go to college, the Cannon Center is where all the freshman go to use their magic I.D. cards to get free food. They then proceed to make college conversation about credit hours and professors, whilst chowing down on fancy college food. It's all very posh.

And how do I know this? BECAUSE I GOES TO COLLEGE.

FACT: The freshman 15 is real folks... .. . . .verrrry real.
FACT: Dorm closets are proportionate to those in freakishly small world.
MYTH: The boy:girl ratio is always 1:1. (Try 1:3 DANGIT.)
FACT: There is a Timpview person in every one of my classes. REPRESENT.
FACT: Selling your soul is part of the textbook buying process.
MYTH: Roomates are always creepy... . .. .. .. . ..heh heh, right Harly?
FACT: In college you do weird things like "tunnel singing" or "baking cookies on the bell tower lights-ing" and "going to class".
FACT: You master the art of small talk within a matter of days.
FACT: School Supplies (where I work in the Bookstore) is better than the Candy Counter.
MYTH: School Supplies taste better than Candy.

FACT: In college you have to "study"...whatever that means.

MYTH: Cleaning supplies are in no way means for excitement.

FACT: The vending machines can be your best friend...or your worst enemy.

FACT: Your mom goes to college.

Now let me google college real quick and let's see what treasures I find...

Facial expression of 95% of freshman.. . .. ...(I'm obviously in the other 5%)

I'd say Mr. Blue Shirt already found the dream.

What 95.3% of professors look like.

SO TRUE.

The usual class size. Oh but just imagine 5 billion more people around him...

Average BYU hair size.

I'll keep you updated on the college life. I have yet to go to the Harold B. Lee Library, but I'll save that little adventure for another post.

-Babbs

P.S. Cat shirt of the week? Feast your eyes upon THIS lil' beaut:

Alreads on the wish list.

BabbsFavorites Numero Uno: Or as they say...BFAVS NUMS UNS

Ah ha! GOTCHA.

That's right. I caught you all in the act of DOUBTING whether or not I would blog in the near future.

Well I'm proud to say it's been five days since my last post.

Call me rash, but I think it's safe to look now folks because.....I'MONAROLL.

Ens whos.

So there I was.

Thinking about what wisdom I could impart on the blogging world.

Yeahhh...didn't work.

BUT. I did come up with the latest installment on Absolutely.

I call it...

BFAVS OF THE WEEK 

Catchy, eh?? The "B" stands for babbs (me) and the "Favs" stands for favorites and, well, you get the picture.  The neat thing is that it'll constantly change and I personally think it will enhance my image/give Absolutely the zest it needs. I've decided to do this every so often to keep y'all on yer toesies.

Alright. Here we go. The first ever -

BFAVS OF THE WEEK

 MOVIE

 Spirited Away

Wait...Spirited Away as in that creepin Japanese Anime film where that scary frog spirit eats everyone and no one knows what's going on that came out like ten years ago?

The very same.

Watched it when I was like 8 and was SCARRED.

BUT. Thanks to some prodding by Brynmore, we watched it and...I loved it.

As cliche as this sounds, now that I'm older, I understand it.

Aaaaaand it's surprisingly funny.

Aaaaaaand the scary frog spirit isn't scary, just...misunderstood.

Aaaaaaaand I'm in love with Haku.

Aaaaand I encourage you all to watch it.

TV SHOW

Psych

 Toats hilars. 

You'd need to watch it yourself to discover the depth of hilarity.

Going strong on season 4...

BOOK

The Maze Runner/The Scorch Trials

Please take a moment to get on the ground and WORSHIP these books.

.................... 

If you have never laid eyes on these coveted covers, wrench yourself away from my blog (yes, it's THAT important) and hightail to the nearest Borders.

Seriously.

There hasn't been a book series since Hunger Games that has captured my attention so.

I read The Scorch Trials in one day...aka today.

Highly, HIGHLY recommend.

GUILTY PLEASURE

Instant Cream of Wheat

Go ahead. Laugh all you want.

But to someone who's been on a liquid diet for...forever?...Cream of Wheat is like hot cereal gold.

Two packs just this morning.

And to someone who's lost all faith in eating...that's a BFD.

CATCH PHRASE

#thatawkwardmoment...

I've been using it more and more this past week.

I've even found that there's a whole website dedicated to this sort of thing.

My fav?

"That  awkward moment wend Voldemort attempts to hug you..."

Oh and PLUS, I think I'm gonna start using "neat" more.

and since we're going along with the whole awkward thing...

AWKWARD FAMILY PHOTO

from awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Hahahhahaaaaa....classic. Never gets old.  

and finally...

CAT SHIRT

"I Got Another Whale"

Awwwhhh...auwahhh....please just....bask....in its infinite cat shirt glory.

This one's next on my list.

CURSE YOU THREADLESS.COM FOR BEING SOLD OUT OF MEDIUMS!!!

I request a reprint everyday.

Pretty zippy, eh? Well my dear friends, this is the beginning of many...

#Thatawkwardmoment when you realize you have jaw surgery...

Soooo...I'm a teensy bit rusty. How do these things usually start?

Hello. My name is Abby.

This is my blog.

I love dancing in the rain and peace signs.

If U cAn'T aCcEpT mE 4 wHo I aM tHeN uR nOt WoRtH mY tImE**:..

Ok I'm not THAT rusty. Let me try again.

Hello. My name is Abby and I'm a FB.

(Hi Abby)

No no no, not a FaceBooker but a Faulty Blogger.

I know you've heard every rant/lament/excuse in the Faulty Blogger Book from me, so we'll just skip that part. And maybe throw in one of those (insert drawn out story about why Abby has not blogged here)

Now that we've got all THAT hizzle out of the way, let us speak of happier things. LIKE...(drum roll please)...

WHAT ABBY HAS BEEN DOING FOR ROUGHLY THE PAST DOS MONTHS

       Aww. I even put it in an exciting new font...

Well. There was this guy.

(aka THE SENIOR BALL SPECTACULAR. I think it goes right up there with "Being Born" on the list of BEST DAYS OF MAH LYPHE!!!)

 We're into points...but not your average points.

And this guy...gradiation? greadution? Gra-something...

And the starts with a "T" and ends with a "Rek" (literally) Guy.

NOTE: I would not usually put this picture up, but since I have failed so miserably at blogging, a picture of me in a BONNET should hopefully make up for that. Copy and paste as you will...

Yes. That's me on the left hand side. Notice my precarious position on the handcart. This was moments before my leg got stuck in the wheel, almost landing me in the water.

And now for the mother that crowns all mothers.

JAW SURGERY

 That's right. 5 hours. 1 night in the hospital. 2 bottles of liquid Lortab. 1 jaw bra. 20 pounds added to cheeks. 100+ movies to keep me entertained.

aaaaaaaaand  

6 weeks on a LIQUID DIET.

I WANT TO DIE.

too dramatic you say?

ha! nope.

The whole "you don't know what you got till it's gone" slaps me in the face EVERY. STINKING. DAY. I feel like King Midas, but instead of gold, my touch turns food into a shapeless/tasteless "meal" of despair. Blend or die has become my new motto.

Let me illustrate this for you:

WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD EATS

  WHAT I EAT

 Don't worry - the carrots/celery are not included.

You get the picture. BUT I'm a glass-half-full kind of girl so good news! Only three more weeks ladies and gents. And then it's Happy Sumo/Cafe Rio/J-Dawg's/Slab Pizza/Kneaders/Wendy's/Beto's/Taco Bell with me.

Hold on Pork Salad...I'm almost there....