Are you "List"ening?

I like making lists.
In fact, one could say that I'm a world class list-maker...lister...listacular extradinaire?
Take your pick.
Aaaaaaaand to show that I'm not bluffing, I'll whip out a couple of lists RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW.

The Multiple Banes of Abby's Existence:
1. ENGLISH. (Note: Not the english language, but the english class. Me + No motivation + Time in the     Library = NO BUENONESS.)
2. PROM DRESSES. Finding one that tailors to Mother Susan's modesty par/price range, along with   Abby's taste is mission impossible.
3. PEOPLE WHO PARK IN TWO SPACES. Really? REALLY??
4. INDEPENDENCE PACKETS. If I had to choose between cheese-grating my brain, filing off my fingers with a rusty spoon or doing an Independence packet.. . .. .... .. ... .. .yeaaaah ok. I'd do the packet but with a very, VERY unwilling heart.
5. THE ABSENCE/TARDY CALLS. In Father Craig's mind, I'm a delinquent.
6. BRACES. (See previous "CSBDFT" post)
7. BURNT TOAST. In two fateful minutes, your whole day is burned!

The Small Things that Make Abby Smile:

1. CAT SHIRTS.

2. CAT LADIES.

3. The gas needle on full. (A RARE FEAT WITHIN ITSELF)

4. Finding 5 bucks in my pocket. (No 20s in there..)

5. Good-smelling hand soap. (I call it the Bn'B double threat...heh heh hee)

6. The Sexy Sax Man. (Look! He's playing to the baby)

7. Awkward dance moves. (Unn tss unn tss unn tss)

8. A good rap song. (Big K.R.I.T, anyone?)

9. Blog updates (ooh..the irony)

10. 80's music/music videos.

11. Lindt truffs.

12. TOE SOCKS. 

What Abby Did Today:

1. Learned how to fly.

2. Rode a magical, talking unicorn named Eldon to Candy Land.

3. Had my first Crunch Wrap Supreme. 

Movies Abby Could Watch Over and Over Again If She Were Stuck in A Room With All  Her Favorite Movies:

(Off the Top of Her Head, Of Course)

1. EVER AFTER. "There was a bee."

2. SHE'S THE MAN. "Have a grrreat apple and sandwich!"

3. EMPS NEWS GROOVES. "A big. stupid. monkey. named. KRONK!!"

4. MOULIN ROUGE. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn-- is just to love and be loved in return."

5. TANGLED. "Is there any chance I'm going to get super strength in my hand? Because I'm not going to lie...that would be stupendous.

6. HOT ROD. "It's nice to see him smiling again. He won't be smiling...WHEN I MURDER HIM!"

7. CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS. "Four eyes, four eyes you need glasses to see!"

8. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL. "She turned me into a newt!...I got better."

And of course, THE BLOG-WORSHIPPERS SUPER SHOUT-OUT LIST:

This is Ryan. He's Good with Kids. And DOPE.

This is Bryn and Popers. They blog. Bless them.

This is Thomas. He's a good kid. ((and my senior ball date)) Whaaa..?

This is Alice. We're all here for you, Dr. A.

This is Brando. I know...2hawt2handle.

This is Elizabeth. She's in love.

This is Ross. A.k.a BESTEST BIG BROTHER :):):)

This is Soph-Dawg. She's running for Sophomore Secretary.

This is Nikki/Nikki's Chicken. They're both my biggest fans.

And, of course, my biggest inspirations:

Ah. Back to square one. The oldest excuse in the book.

"I'm not a very consistent blogger."

Key word: consistent. (hence the bold, underline, italicize, larger font shindig)

BUT when my blog posts do happen, are they not filled with nuggets of pure insight and wisdom that surpass the price of diamonds?

Well...yes, according to the small audience in my head.

(they all just laughed)

Ens whos..

(BLEH. my attempt to shorten "anywho" went horribly arry.)

Like unto cookies laced with rat poison, my blog is laced with...not rat poison.

Whooo doggie. I'm rusty. Let me try again. (Eh-eh-eh-hem)

I'm going to tell you ten random facts about myself that have not been revealed via blog, because frankly, I'm like an onion. (appreciate shrek reference..) Peel away all the cool/hip/hipster/g layers and...I'm just me.

Yeeaah...it's been a long day. MOVING ON.

FACT: I love musicals. Secret Garden? She has her eyes, she has my Lily's hazel eyes! Those eyes that loved my brother never me! Oliver? Would you lace my shoe? Anything! Paint your face bright blue? Anything! Catch a kangaroo? Anything! Go to Timbuctoo? And back again! Phantom? Don't make her lie to you to save me... Les Mis? All my life, I've only been pretending. Without me, his world will go on turning, a world that's full of happiness that I have never known!  Newsies? Met this girl last night...Ehhh move your elbow, past the towel, for a buck I might!  Into The Woods? I wish...more than anything...more than life...more than jewels...I wish...the King is giving a Festival. I wish to go to the Festival-- Wicked? And nobody in all of Oz, no Wizard that there is or was is ever gonna bring me down! Little Shop of Horrors? Suddenly Seymour, is standing beside you, you don't need no makeup, don't have to pretend. West Side Story? Singing in the Rain? Sound of Music??
I know it looks like a big chunk of nothing that makes no sense, but if you share my love for a story told through song, these words should sear your heart and strengthen your soul. Again: I love musicals.

FACT: I always have to have my nails painted. Glitter/dark colors are my go to. Ironic, aren't I?

FACT: I have never been to Lake Powell. Or Tepanyaki. Or Idaho. But I most definitely HAVE been to Spring City.

FACT: I am PRO at Klondike. Sound familiar? Like the game on your ipod that's freakishly similiar/basically is solitare? Yep. And, unlike the picture below, I don't have $53. Psh. More like...7 GRAND!! I'm seriously obsessed.

FACT: I crack myself up. Literally. Ask anyone. Like, go ahead. Ask. ASK DANG IT*&(*@#%^

FACT: Peachie-Os are my absolute favorite candy. And not just any run-of-the-mill-two-for-a-dollar Peachie-Os - the Trolli kind, of course. 

FACT: I have a tattoo of a small, tri-winged bird named Vern where my hairline and neck meet.

FACT: Sometimes I tell people I have a tattoo of a small, tri-winged bird named Vern where my hairline and neck meet.

FACT: Whenever I text, all the messages I send include either CAPS on words I stress, the dot-dot delio (..) and professions of love. That last one always gets me in trubs.

FACT: Belted sweaters live on in my heart. Bless them.

And if Mr. Belted Sweater Man didn't sweep you off your feet...this baby comes close.

For Old Time's Sake...

On Feburary 16th I was going to post a post of epic proportions, but as we've all noticed...posting's not mah strong suit. But I have many, many other strong suits. And hey, feel free to leave a comment about one of them.

Point: If you didn't know, Feburary 16th is the exact halfway mark of my journey in Aussie land. And of course, whenever I even think of halfway, I think of halfway there, which makes me think of living on a prayer. Which obviously ques Bon Jovi and his smash hit "Living on A Prayer".

And though my time here is past the halfway mark, I couldn't resist:

If you didn't worship the hair or start singing along out loud...............I can't even fathom a good enough threat. Just keep watching.

Totally off track, but entertaining nevertheless.
So. Y'all been wunderin what li'l babbs has been up to? Ho ho hooo. You've come to the right place.
You see, I've conviniently organized my time here in Australia into a cleverly titled list. I call it:

The Things Abby Has Been Doing in Mooloolaba:
(Note: Sorry to throw you for a loop with that last word. Pronounced, Moo-loo-lah-BA, it's the beach town where the fam and I have been residing for the past six weeks. Dare I even call it...home??)
Ahem.

• Writing a Book: It's about a small Mongolian family and their journey from the south of France to the island nation of Tahiti. Hopefully, in about fifty years, someone will find so much meaning in their trip that they will force english students everywhere to find meaning in the family's pet goat, Pedro. How satisfying.
• Mastering the Langs: Surprisingly, some of the words off the previous post I've actually heard. "Bathers" is one of them. And you haven't lived till you've heard an Aussie man say "Those cashed-up Bogans" or an Aussie two year old say "Purple". I know we all say purple, but with the accent...I could've died happy then and there. They also say "loads" and "heaps" and "ages" a lot. "Have a go". "Cheers". "Good on ya, mate". "Abby you're probably the best thing that's ever happened to Australia." That sort of thing.
• Understanding Exactly What "Aquired Taste" Means: Vegimite DEF falls under the "AT" category. I never intended to try the "yeast extract", but I got a little sneak attack at the local bakery. Who knew that it was the brown stuff between the bread sample? BLEH is all I can say. They also have these things called "Musk Sticks". Just imagine soap in the form of pink, sugary sticks. One "AT" I do appreciate is the Fish and Chips one. Some wardies showed us the best Fish n' Chips place in Mooloolaba. We've gone back three times.
• Freaking Out Over the Fact That They Really Do Drive On the Wrong Side of The Road: Nuff said.
• Becoming an Expert on Lollies: Ever heard of a Crunchies? Maybe a Cherry Ripe? A Mars? Mayhaps...a PICNIC?? No...? Well. If you're ever in Australia, skip the Crunchie, load up on the Mars and have a few Cherry Ripes/Picnics. Trust me. I'm a doc- expert.
• Getting Back to My Brazilian Roots: Confused? Does the word...ZUMBA...help?? I know they have it back in the States, but I've truly discovered my passion for it here. I've taken a couple of classes, as well as a keen liking for it. I go almost every week with an arranged ride. Goal in life: Accomplish world peace. Become a Zumba instructor.
• Worshipping the Beach Gods: I think in one of my past lives, I was a mermaid. I. LOVE. the Ocean. As mentioned before, Mooloos is a beach town. And we're lucky enough to have our appartment RIGHT by the beach. Like, the only thing separating us and the shore is a parking lot. "Going Swimming Everyday" has replaced "Breathing" on my list of priorities.
• Changing My Identitiy: Yeah. I'm THAT tan.
• Conquering the Bus Route: Let's just say she's never an easy one to tame. Wild. Dirty. Unpredictable. Pretty much sums up the Bus System here in Mooloolaba. Ok ok the buses aren't dirty. Actually they're fairly clean and air conditioned. Not having a car stinketh, but it beats walking. And after 5 weeks of trial and error, I've learned one thing: Take the 600, and you never go wrong. 
• Learning Funny Jokes: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?........Because it was dead. 
• Losing 20 lbs (10 kilos!) in Water Weight: If you faint at the sight of blood or have queasy stomach, move on to the next bullet. Because I'm going to talk SWEAT. Nast, I know, but it must be addressed. Sometimes, because we live in the pit of hell-o's freezer, we forget what it's like to sweat. Well humidity slapped me right out of my forgetfulness. Our appartment has no aircon - even a measly fan is not to be found. So when the breeze from the ocean suddenly stops, let's just say - it's taco time.
• Becoming Weird Homeschool Kids: We (my family and I) were out on the town one night. It was the strangest thing. I kept on seeing all these...youth...ususally in large packs, just wandering about. On a Friday night for goodness sakes! They should be with their families watching movies from Blockbuster!! Kids these days.
• Interacting With Local Wildlife: If you haven't been on Facebook and seen the picture of me holding a Koala, well. I'VE HELD A KOALA. Named Kramer. Naturally. I've also had the chance to feed Kangaroos, an Elephant and even an Emu. Oh. I've also seen some crabs and a dead bat. 
• Taking Pictures of Australian Children in Chicken Suits: . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

You thought I was kidding.

• And, of course, missing every one in...Prorem? Prayson...? Palt Lake City? Gosh. If it's not New York or L.A., the name just seems to escape to me!

But really. Message me. Stay kool, like kool kats. Be good. Eat your veggies. Take your vitamins. And, give Dr. B a hug for me, will you? Shpanks.

I'll leave you with my fav aussie comerish...

Don't push me cuz ahm close to da eeeeedge...

Bun Supremacy

Alright. 

I'm SORRY.

It's not my fault that I haven't been blogging.

Ok maybe it is my fault.

But it is most def NOT my fault that the Azores Bullfinch is endangered. 

(Knowing that always makes me feel better)

ANYWHO. Buckle your seats ladies and gents, because we're going in for the long haul. So much has happened since I left P-town exactly twelve days ago...

In the past twelve days, I have:

1. Learned the language. Perfecting the art and placement of "mate", as well the casual "fish and chips" here and there was no walk in the outback.
2. Befriended the natives.
3. Promised "lollies" and American Movies to key positions on the Australian Government latter.
4. Climbed the Australian Government latter.
5. Hired "Marty the Marvelous Magician" to make the Prime Minister disappear.
6. Causally showed up to the office sporting her clothes.
7. Been named and accepted as Abby Christensen, Supreme ruler of all that is Australian.
8. Found the right loopholes and renamed the world's largest island: ABALIA.
9. Opened up a shelter for homeless dingos.

Yup. That about sums it up. Oh and cameron lost a foot to one of those dingos, but that's pretty much it. Yeeeeep. Sure is. Mmmhmm...yeahh...heh..heh...(awkwardly scoot away)

Ok ok ok OK. My REAL Australian experience hasn't been quite as glamourous as the list implies...and yes, I MADE THAT WHOLE LIST UP. I just thought that if I lied and made my life more exciting, you guys would like me better. But now I see that you guys like me for who I am. And that makes me appreciate all of you. (Insert "Aurther" theme song....NOW)

Ok no more funny business.
Here is what is really, TURLY going on with the Christensens, or more specifically MOI, down unda.

THE FLIGHT:
Father Craig and I left SLC around 8 to LAX. That flight took about an hour-ish. We then got on our connecting flight to Sydney around 11. 16 hours seems like a really long time, but when you've got a window seat and "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" at the tip of your fingers, it's not too shabby. We FINALLY arrived in Sydney around 10 a.m. on January 18th/Tuesday morning. That's right. January 17th, 2011 NEVER EXISTED for me. Toats freaky. We then had to take ANOTHER flight down to Melbourne. By this time, I'd been wearing the same clothes for who knows how long and my ipod was losing life. I. Was. Running. THIN. Luckily, this last flight was shorter else I would've been tasered by airport security for bitting the booking agent. finally, Finally, FINALLY we arrived in...MELBOURNE.

MELBOURNE:
(Pronounced Mel-BUN)

We only stayed in Melbourne for three days but it was fantastic.
We actually went for one reason - THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN.

For all you tennis haters, bare with me for a moment while I rant about the greatness of

TENNIS.

For starters, T.V. does not do pro tennis justice. Actually being there is a whole different experience. Their pain is your pain. Their joys are your joys. THEIR SWEAT IS YOUR SWEAT.

But really.

I was close to tears whenever I saw an ace or a winner. Those kinds of shots are...beautiful, to say the least. And I say that without a shred of irony. The speed...the technique...the spin! OoOOoooOoOh. I could go on all day, but I'll just move onto the highlights of our time in Melbourne:

• FIRST AND FOREMOST, hearing the "Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi" cheer. From Australians. In Australia.
• Doing the wave in slow motion.
• Discovering tim tams, solo and deep spring. Google it.
• Discovering "Baker's Delight". Kind of an Australian version of Great Harvest. We went everyday we were there, and spent a total of $65 during one trip. The guy threw in a passionfruit scone and winked. At my mother.
• Seeing 7-Elvens everywhere. It actually weirded me out.
• Discovering "Neighbours"!! According to Google, it's Australia's longest running soap opera. It's on every night at 6:30, on 11. Which girl will Andrew choose?? Did you feel the torment in that single sentence? That's just a TASTE of what Neighbours is. I've never really been into soaps, but now is a good a time to start as ever...
• Getting an aussie open t-shirt. Its 4 rils legit.
• Buying an $8 pizza that tasted like cardboard. Oh wait. That was just gross.
• Watching so many great tennis matches. My favorite? Igor Andreev vs Nicholas Almagro.
• LOVING the weather. 

And now...the pictures I promised!

The classic pose-in-front-of-a-world-monument-with-peace-signs-to-be-funny. Oh wait. Wrong one.

As if we'd all "assemble" in an emergency.

My best "Lord of the Flies" impersination.

KOOL KAT.

This picture screams fun.

PROOF I WAS THERE. In all my squinty glory...(ehem)

Ballin'.

Pweeeeeesh.

Well that'll have to be it for now. 

I'm trying to think of a clever catch phrase, but none come to mind. Over and out? That's all folks? Peace? Aboasdbfiasl;hitiasdlhfoaiuw9?

We'll go with that last one.

Should I Put Another Shrimp on the Barbie?

I stink at goodbyes.
And sudoku, but mostly just goodbyes.
I always end up crying, which leads to smeared make-up, which leads to the embarrassing reminder that I'm crying, which leads to anger, which leads to unexpected lashing out, which leads to court hearings and intense psychotherapy.

BUT. Rs Munos shed some light on the subject,
"It's not goodbye. It's just see you later."

I've been thinking about it, and since this is my blog I and I can do what ever the heck I want, I will now impress you with my knowledge of Austrailian lingo through the witty conversation of an average Austrailian:
***NOTE: For you...Americans... i've  graciously provided a referance list below.***

"Ello, Mate! Did ja geit any Pressies for Chrissie? All I got wus a pair of Bathers and loads of Fairy Floss. It was a Shonky affiar, more or less. You 'ouldn't guess who I saw at Mackers yesterday! You remember Charlie? The Yobbo who used ta Whinge all the time? Well I felt bad, so I told 'im his big mac was My Shout. After saying Ooroo, I left and got myself an Icy Pole. But the stoupid Mozzies kept trying to take a nick at me, so I took the Lift up to my Rellies apartment - you know, Uncle Steve and Aunt Shelia? Well while Aunt Shelia wus busy changing li'l Henry's Nappy, Fredrick walked in and -  the ol' dag - knocked over my Cuppa! So I called him a Nong, and Aunt Shelia was very upset and told me ta leave. All I knows is that I was Happy as Larry to get out of there."

I think it's safe to say that Aussies were the first to come up with abbreves.
I also think it's safe to say that Christmas will from now on be called Chrissie.
And, maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but I think it's extra safe to say Yobbo sounds WAY more appro pro than "redneck".

Common terms and phrases used in every day Austrialia:   
    Bathers           Swim trunks   
    Billabong       Watering hole   
    Bum               The part of you that sits on a chair, your bottom.   
    Chrissie          Christmas   
    Cuppa            Cup of tea or coffee   
    Dag                Amusingly uncoordinated, "he's such a dag"   
    Fairy Floss     Cotton candy   
    Fred Nerk       Someone imaginary, "I suppose Fred Nerk did it?"   
    Good on ya    Good job, good for you   
    Happy as Larry    Very happy   
    Icy pole           Popsicle   
    Jelly                jell-o
    Joe Bloggs      Mr average citizen, John Doe   
    Lollies             Candy   
    Lift                  Elevator   
    Mackers          McDonald's   
    Mate               Friend   
    Mozzie           Mosquito   
    Nappy            Diaper   
    Nong              Idiot, "you nong!"   
    Ooroo            Goodbye   
    Prezzies          Presents   
    Rellies            Relatives   
    My shout        I'll pay this time   
    Shonky          A questionable deal    
    Whinge          Complain all the time   
    Yobbo            Redneck   
    You Right?    May I help you?  Do you need anything?

Along with the hugs and tears, I got a very specific list of what was wanted of me:

    * 1 (one) 8oz bottle of sand.
    * 1 (one) boomerang made out of kowala bears.
    * A plethora (lots) of outback stakehouse coupons.
    * 500 (five-hundie) pictures with "hot aussies of the male species"
    * 1 (one) austrialian man, kangaroo, kowala, dingo.
    * 1 (one) dance on steve erwin's grave.
    * 3 (three) shrimps on the barbie.


And so my dear friends, I'm off. But do not fret- T'will not be long before I'm back ruling Timpview with an iron first and my sidekick mariachi band.
Just know that I expect FB messages every 5 minutes on the MINUTE.
I'll miss every darn one of you. I love alls y'alls.
The Two Month Countdown starts.....n-....N-.....No-.....NOW!

Ooroo, America. 'Ello Australia!

 would you look at that???

Muppets with People Eyes

Needless to say, I loled (laughed out loud) for a good ten minutes.

Ooooh man. My personal fav is the elm-dawg. But go ahead. Scroll through AGAIN. Creepy, yet strangely addicting...it's going to be big. Trust me.

Newe Yeers Ressies

Another year come and gone. WEIRD.
But since everyone else seems cool wit it, I'll go ahead and join the flow.

The AB-TACULAR list of New Years Resolutions:

1. Find more cat shirts. Total now: 2. Goal: 31. (One for each day of the month!)
2. Come up with a new phrase or catchy saying and/or recycle a retro phrase. Rad? Far out? Robotcircuitipodwifi?........eh. A work in prowgress. (yep. that last word was in a British accent)
3. Get students and faculty alike at Timpview to address me as, "Abby, supreme empress of the universe and bestower of all that is awesome and hip." Double work in progress.
4. Crochet more alpaca-hair sweaters for babies and the elderly.
5.  Write more haikus.

So now, in 2011, I'd like to start this blog off on a good note.
Yes, I'd like to start with #5. (ehem)

A Deep Collection of Haikus

By: Abigail E. Christensen 

In a tree I sit

Looking at the big blue moon

thinking, hey that's cool

Walking in the coms,

freshman push me as I go.

That is not cool man.

Driving in li'l blue

I sense the presence of cash - 

pennies pay for gas.

Each one is unique,

nicely lined up in a row -

Kat shirts come to play.

Climbing in windows,

and snatching your people up.

Hide yo kids, husbands.

Stand there, watch me burn,

if you ever try to leave

I'll set house on fire.

Likely contender in the Cat Shirt race...