Should I Put Another Shrimp on the Barbie?

I stink at goodbyes.
And sudoku, but mostly just goodbyes.
I always end up crying, which leads to smeared make-up, which leads to the embarrassing reminder that I'm crying, which leads to anger, which leads to unexpected lashing out, which leads to court hearings and intense psychotherapy.

BUT. Rs Munos shed some light on the subject,
"It's not goodbye. It's just see you later."

I've been thinking about it, and since this is my blog I and I can do what ever the heck I want, I will now impress you with my knowledge of Austrailian lingo through the witty conversation of an average Austrailian:
***NOTE: For you...Americans... i've  graciously provided a referance list below.***

"Ello, Mate! Did ja geit any Pressies for Chrissie? All I got wus a pair of Bathers and loads of Fairy Floss. It was a Shonky affiar, more or less. You 'ouldn't guess who I saw at Mackers yesterday! You remember Charlie? The Yobbo who used ta Whinge all the time? Well I felt bad, so I told 'im his big mac was My Shout. After saying Ooroo, I left and got myself an Icy Pole. But the stoupid Mozzies kept trying to take a nick at me, so I took the Lift up to my Rellies apartment - you know, Uncle Steve and Aunt Shelia? Well while Aunt Shelia wus busy changing li'l Henry's Nappy, Fredrick walked in and -  the ol' dag - knocked over my Cuppa! So I called him a Nong, and Aunt Shelia was very upset and told me ta leave. All I knows is that I was Happy as Larry to get out of there."

I think it's safe to say that Aussies were the first to come up with abbreves.
I also think it's safe to say that Christmas will from now on be called Chrissie.
And, maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but I think it's extra safe to say Yobbo sounds WAY more appro pro than "redneck".

Common terms and phrases used in every day Austrialia:   
    Bathers           Swim trunks   
    Billabong       Watering hole   
    Bum               The part of you that sits on a chair, your bottom.   
    Chrissie          Christmas   
    Cuppa            Cup of tea or coffee   
    Dag                Amusingly uncoordinated, "he's such a dag"   
    Fairy Floss     Cotton candy   
    Fred Nerk       Someone imaginary, "I suppose Fred Nerk did it?"   
    Good on ya    Good job, good for you   
    Happy as Larry    Very happy   
    Icy pole           Popsicle   
    Jelly                jell-o
    Joe Bloggs      Mr average citizen, John Doe   
    Lollies             Candy   
    Lift                  Elevator   
    Mackers          McDonald's   
    Mate               Friend   
    Mozzie           Mosquito   
    Nappy            Diaper   
    Nong              Idiot, "you nong!"   
    Ooroo            Goodbye   
    Prezzies          Presents   
    Rellies            Relatives   
    My shout        I'll pay this time   
    Shonky          A questionable deal    
    Whinge          Complain all the time   
    Yobbo            Redneck   
    You Right?    May I help you?  Do you need anything?

Along with the hugs and tears, I got a very specific list of what was wanted of me:

    * 1 (one) 8oz bottle of sand.
    * 1 (one) boomerang made out of kowala bears.
    * A plethora (lots) of outback stakehouse coupons.
    * 500 (five-hundie) pictures with "hot aussies of the male species"
    * 1 (one) austrialian man, kangaroo, kowala, dingo.
    * 1 (one) dance on steve erwin's grave.
    * 3 (three) shrimps on the barbie.


And so my dear friends, I'm off. But do not fret- T'will not be long before I'm back ruling Timpview with an iron first and my sidekick mariachi band.
Just know that I expect FB messages every 5 minutes on the MINUTE.
I'll miss every darn one of you. I love alls y'alls.
The Two Month Countdown starts.....n-....N-.....No-.....NOW!

Ooroo, America. 'Ello Australia!

 would you look at that???

Muppets with People Eyes

Needless to say, I loled (laughed out loud) for a good ten minutes.

Ooooh man. My personal fav is the elm-dawg. But go ahead. Scroll through AGAIN. Creepy, yet strangely addicting...it's going to be big. Trust me.

Newe Yeers Ressies

Another year come and gone. WEIRD.
But since everyone else seems cool wit it, I'll go ahead and join the flow.

The AB-TACULAR list of New Years Resolutions:

1. Find more cat shirts. Total now: 2. Goal: 31. (One for each day of the month!)
2. Come up with a new phrase or catchy saying and/or recycle a retro phrase. Rad? Far out? Robotcircuitipodwifi?........eh. A work in prowgress. (yep. that last word was in a British accent)
3. Get students and faculty alike at Timpview to address me as, "Abby, supreme empress of the universe and bestower of all that is awesome and hip." Double work in progress.
4. Crochet more alpaca-hair sweaters for babies and the elderly.
5.  Write more haikus.

So now, in 2011, I'd like to start this blog off on a good note.
Yes, I'd like to start with #5. (ehem)

A Deep Collection of Haikus

By: Abigail E. Christensen 

In a tree I sit

Looking at the big blue moon

thinking, hey that's cool

Walking in the coms,

freshman push me as I go.

That is not cool man.

Driving in li'l blue

I sense the presence of cash - 

pennies pay for gas.

Each one is unique,

nicely lined up in a row -

Kat shirts come to play.

Climbing in windows,

and snatching your people up.

Hide yo kids, husbands.

Stand there, watch me burn,

if you ever try to leave

I'll set house on fire.

Likely contender in the Cat Shirt race...

Happy Christmas Ron! Happy Christmas Harry!

December 26th is quite the party pooper. I don't have anything against 26 itself - I personally think its a nice even number - and December, though a bit nippy at times, has its perks.

But it just so happens that December 26th falls right after the happiest day (besides January 28th) of the year - CHRISTMAS.

I woke up feeling slightly empty. Sure, you can still drink eggnog, listen to Christmas songs and deck the halls all you want. But it's just like eating cardboard - sure it fills you up, but does it taste good? Nay. 

Ok ok ok...I'm done with the depression and doom talk. Moving on to deets of the Classic Christensen Christmas!

Who: Craig, Susan, ME and assortment of siblings and distant relatives.

Where: Springs Cits

When: Christmas, of course!

Why?: Still deciphering that one...

Anywho. I'd deem this Christmas a top five in Christensen history - Cameron didn't buy all of our presents at the dollar store, and Uncle Roger stayed sober for an hour.

..................Jokes. I don't have an Uncle Roger. But our Christmas dinner WAS a sober one. And the loot I got was darn good loot.

Favorites include:

• A cat shirt entitled "The Adventures of Mr. Mittens"
• Kick BUTT red fingerless biker gloves - Madonna would be proud.
• An original "Pandahead - Beats for lype? lyphe?" shirt
• My first sag beanie!
• A t.n. designer shoe calender for every. darn. day.
• Lots of riesens in mah stocking...
• World peace
• Albino tiger cub coat.
• and......A FUNCTIONING PHONE. (I would put up my new number, but how do I know you're not a creepy 40-year-old man??)

Highly successful. Highly. 

And now my Christmas present to you all: 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/109-cats-in-sweaters

SNEAK PEAK!:

Shout-out to ROSS CHRISTENSEN for introducing me to such wonder...

Think you know Abby? We'll see about that.

It's here! What you've all been waiting for! The famous get-to-know-you-questionaire-that's-full-of-useless-and-or-questionable-info-about-someone-you-semi-know-when-they-start-a-blog-so-you-can-get-to-know-them-better questionaire extraordinaire!!!! I applaud whoever reads all 50. That's right. ALL. 50.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

            Abigail Adams, though I wish I was named a little more creatively. After a famous wizard, perhaps? Or an ingredient in hostess doughnuts?

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

            Probs when I got my braces on. Wait – scratch that. Watching the last ten minutes of Moulin Rouge…

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

            Yeppers. According to Kimmy, “It’s very ‘circle-y.’”

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

            I’ll have to go with mystery.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

            For viewing purposes, I’ll say no.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

            Absolutely. Not only am I outgoing and uber friendly, I’m just downright attractive.

           

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

            Ha! NO! (Get it? I used sarcasm to answer the question!!)

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

            Yes, last time I checked.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

            I’d be the kind of person to be all gung-ho about it, but right before jumping, curl up into fetal position and beg them to make it stop.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?

            Fruity Pebbles. Hands down. Trix is a close runner up…

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

            Nah. Says a lot about me though.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

            Define “strong”.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?

            Breyer’s Cookies n’ Cream. They use LEGIT Oreos. Aren’t generic brand Oreos just the worst?

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

            Girls? Clothes. Guys? Smile.

15. RED OR PINK?

            What’s the occasion? Red, if I’m the singer at a swanky 1940’s nightclub. Pink, if I’m at the tea party of the Queen’s granddaughter.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?

            My tonsils.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?

            FRED. (Soft sobs ensue…)

18. WHAT IS THE PAUL MCKENNA TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST?

            Uh…I’ll come back to this one.

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

            Tanish-whiteish-yellowish ones. They happen to be my ugg slippers.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

            Cup of Noodles. BEEF style.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

            Tightrope by Janelle Monae

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

            If I could be anything, I def choose something other than a crayon…….and just for the record, the sparkly purple one.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?

            Whatever’s cooking after church on fast Sunday, clean laundry, light blue, good men’s cologne, mint.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

            Barak. We’re on a first name basis…

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?

            BEACH HOUSE. Any one who says “Mountain Hideaway” has obviously never been to Springs Cits.

Halfway there! Take a breather and enjoy the visual entertainment:

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

            Tennis, football, figure skating, men’s volleyball.

27. HAIR COLOR?

            A deep, rich brown color with creamy highlights and tints of red. (Yep. I just novel-ized my hair)

28. EYE COLOR? 

            Blue.           

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

            All the time.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?

            Gahhhhh….internal struggle…can’t decide…must pick one…SUSHI.

           

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

            Happy endings to romantic comedies with Ryan Reynolds are preferred.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

            She’s the Man. Best $5 bucks I’ve ever spent at wal-mart. (Besides, of course, my miley cyrus shirt)

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

            White. It says, “Just Hug It Out.”

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?

            SUMMER. Sweet, sweet summer…

35. HUGS OR KISSES?

Both J J J J J J J J J J

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?

            Red velvet cake…awh…auwhh…

37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?

            Neither. Jazzercise!

38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?

            The telly. (It’s really the computer, but I couldn’t resist saying telly…)

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?

            Just finished HP3. Making my way back up.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

            Kirk Skyles.

42. FAVORITE SOUND?

            Waves, baby’s laughter and the sound hippos make.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?

            Is that even a question?

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?

            I’m not allowed to say.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

            Abbreves/ganster langs, accents and I make a mean cup of coca.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

            A posh vacation resort in Saudi Arabia. Granddad Buffet was present.

47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?

            Provo, Utah. How’d I end up here??

48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?

            I’d say a tanish-sandy-purpley-greenish-whiteish color. It’s hard to say…

49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?

            Blue. Just like my eyes. And hence its name, “li’l blue”

50. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS?

            Jes (Yes…see #45)

CSBDFT.

Yeshhhhh ladies and gents. Time did a little back to the future. On my teeth. Eighth grade style.

If the lispy "yeshhhhh" wasn't a dead give away, then I'll put it in a cryptic language for you:

j. hpu. CSBDFT.
(funny. the only word that got spell checked was "hpu". i just had to resist the urge to yell "CSBDFT!!" in my house.)

anyway,

I GOT BRACES.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
was my first reaction. but to be honest, it happened so quick i didn't have time to fully understand it.


I just waltzed into Dr. Graff's, experienced legalized torture, watched the cleverly entitled movie "Braces: Get the Facts Straight", and WHAMMO.

it was done.
Now, I won't go off about how much they KILL, or how ^*%^ hard it is to chew food, or how only 1 in 300 girls have my condition. I'm not one to dwell.

I've received many comments from various aspects of Timpview life. Some of my favorites?

"Don't they just KILL?"
"Aw...you look just like Sophie!"....FRESHMAN sophie.
"They make you look younger!" -Mother Susan, 2.5 seconds I got them on..
"Smile! They don't look...that....bad."
and the crowning jewel -

"Abby, you know how people who wear glasses look better? Well with braces you look beautiful." (Reassuring pat) - Stockton Carter

Ah, well. I've come to terms.

Just call me GRILLZ.

TOATS not accurate.

Ohs. YEAH.

Luh luh luh LLAMAs!

Not to be over-obsessive with animals or anything, BUT. I forgot to mention llamas.

Let's be real. Could there be an animal any greater? Mix together a horse, a goat and a sheep (great animals within themselves) aaaaaaaand you get a LLAMA.

and now for the LLAMA LLIST (reasons as to why I llove llem):

1. The Emperor's New Groove. The classiest of the classy. Seriously. If the Emperor's New Groove were a religion, I'd be the first to join. And it;s one of the few movies that really captures the LLAMA spirit. "A llama?? He's supposed to be DEAD!"
2. Tina. One of the most celebrated LLAMAs in history. First appearing on Napoleon Dynamite, she has now developed a love for ham and a facebook page. Don't worry. I've already liked it. 
3. The Llama Fest.  An. entire. fest. DEVOTED. to LLAMAS. Need I say more?
4. Bolivia. My brother spent three months in Bolivia this summer. He told me that LLAMAs run rampant among the various mountain pastures. Now my greatest wish is to move to Bolivia and become a wild LLAMA herder.
5. Baby Llamas. The list of adorable cuteness goes like this: baby llamas, kittens, baby sloths and sandra grace.

and now! for your viewing enjoyment!

Me and Harl-dawg with a llama. CLOSE RANGE.

It's going to happen. Mark my words.